A Fact I Have Been Eluding

Why do I think about you all day? I tell myself that I should not indulge in this obsession, yet my mind is ruled by you. My world seems that much more au fait with you on my mind. Why do I crave your attention? Every fragment of awareness you spare me makes me that much more complete. Why do I bother with what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling? It is but care that is so personified that I have for you. Your thoughts fascinate me. Your emotions instigate and enliven me. Why do I yearn for your presence? Though the pain is so unbearable, I long to see you. I am contented just to have you near me. I am instantly drawn out of the abyss with each glimpse of you.

Others don’t see too much in you. To me, you are more than everything. You might speak words that severs me; but only because I have bestowed on to you the weapon to do so. Your actions may annoy me. It is your imperfections that make you so real to me. Though we might not understand each other entirely, I would eagerly spend the rest of my life learning about you.

If perpetuity in hell is what I have to endure to keep feeling this way about you, I will suffer hell. I had thought that I could put my feelings into words. It seems I have failed. This could not begin to describe the way I feel.

I was convinced that I have loved before. I stand corrected.
I admired you. I liked you. I was crazy about you. I love you.

Pain

Scientific studies have proved that the natural red head has a minutely higher threshold of pain as compared to everyone else. However, this was a study relating to physical pain. But what of emotional pain? Yes, everyone experiences emotional pain.

Occasions, situations, people and events. These, in a human life, relate to emotions. Happiness, sadness, anxiety, content, are all feelings, moods, emotions.

Is it possible to see a person in pain? Being the supreme beings that we are, we have discovered ways to oppress physical pain. But we are still haunted by the superficial pain that each and every human being experiences.

It is unfortunate that no matter how one hides, disguises, veils, pretends or ruses, pain administers itself over us all.

The one question that has been occupying me is - ‘How much superficial pain can one endure?’ It was difficult, but I have to reluctantly admit that I have been in pain. It graves me even more to admit that I seem to have no control over this situation. Well, when one isn’t Master of The Universe, these things happen.

So, I have altered my attention (as an initial step) to remedy it. Ignorance. Pain does not seem to have a cordial relationship with ignorance. When you ignore pain, it simply shies into a corner and watches you. Yes, be aware that it is still minding you. Ever conveying to you that it has not gone away and that you can only ignore it so much and for so long. Commanding. Enforcing authority over pain proved to be catastrophic. Pain retaliated by making me recognize that I was only mimicking the authority it had over me. Ending. Putting a stop to pain’s life would also mean putting a stop to mine. Fortunately, my fear for Death overpowers pain. I choose to live with pain instead of meeting Death.

No matter the action or antidote applied, pain always had the final sentence: ‘You will ultimately have to face me.’

Do you not find it amusing that I have come to refer to pain as if it were a person and that I have been living with this person and finding ways to understand and entertain him?